Reg no: CO 20820
Office no: (011) 918-2235
Email: lorrainealger@gmail.com
Hours: Monday-Fridays 9:00-16:00
Saturdays Closed
Sundays & Public Holidays Closed
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Resources
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PARENTING DURING COVID-19
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1. Recognize your child’s emotions and anxiety:
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The normal day to day routine that most children are used to have been disrupted and taken away from them because of this pandemic. Parents should understand that certain fears, anxiety, and questions will be associated with such a disruption. Managing these emotions effectively will be key to help them process their new ‘normal’. For example, one of the ways this can be applied is by making use of an emotions chart with the little ones. They can indicate the emotion/s they are experiencing and by discussing this thoroughly, it will provide them with a sense of relief and containment.
2. Talking about COVID-19:
Talking about COVID-19 goes hand in hand with recognizing your child’s emotions. Parents should always be willing to talk to their children about the pandemic and try to be as open and honest as possible. Naturally, there should be some limitations as to what parents decide to share with their children, being careful not to project their own fears and anxiety on them. When children have a greater awareness of COVID-19 they will most likely feel more empowered and less anxious about it.
3. Using your time, the best way possible:
It is a harsh reality that many parents have lost their jobs and source of income during COVID-19. Not only does this cause a lot of stress, but it also causes great uncertainty for what the future might hold. Understandably, any parent would want the best for their family, but due to the circumstances, it might feel impossible. With the sudden change of losing one’s job more time is now available. And although the changing economy might not be something that can be controlled, the way we use our time is something that can be changed and controlled. Therefore, parents can use this extra time available to them and engage with the family. Not only will spending time with your children and spouse help with stress management, but this time can be viewed as an investment in your relationships with family members. A few months from now things will change and the time that you have available to spend with your family now might not be there in future.
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For any further questions please contact LA Counselling on (011) 918-2235 to schedule an online counselling session today. Stay Safe & Healthy!!!
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TIPS TO MANAGE STRESS AND ANXIETY DURING COVID-19
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1. It is normal to feel like this:
During these uncertain times, many are now exposed to a higher level of anxiety and stress. There are even some that might never have experienced these emotions of anxiety before and are now struggling to deal with the effects. The first step to help reduce anxiousness is to understand that it is normal. We tend to think that we are alone, but it helps to know that there are millions of people around the world that are currently sharing the same distress and uncertainty for what the future holds.
2. Stay connected:
We are fortunate enough that technology today is so advanced, that it provides a platform to stay connected even during social isolation. Staying in touch with family and friends will be a good support structure especially involving emotional support. Frequent communication not only allows encouragement for one another, but it causes one to feel less alone during this pandemic.
3. Limiting news and social media:
It is important to always stay informed about the latest news and updates for the economy. But, with this, there should still be certain limitations set in place. The current news and social media can be very discouraging. If one is exposed to it regularly it may heighten the feelings of anxiousness and stress. Therefore, limiting your news updates to an hour in the morning and/or evening will allow one to stay informed, but at the same time create a healthy balance when it comes to news intake.
4. Maintaining your routine:
Having a set routine is crucial, especially during this time. This will give one a sense of control and predictability. Many children are now being homeschooled, and at the same time parents are instructed to work from home which can be incredibly challenging. Therefore, having a time schedule that everyone can adhere to at home will help create a sense of order and decrease unnecessary stress that can be avoided. The key is to be creative. For example, many children attended sports activities after school and by incorporating some form of sport to the time schedule will allow children to get the exercise they need, releasing energy and it is a great stress reliever!
5. Engaging in hygiene and precaution measures:
There are so many effective tips given how to maintain good hygiene during Covid-19. Engaging in these hygiene and precaution measures will help to shift one’s mind from the things you cannot control to the things you can control. By doing this, we minimize the chances of contracting the virus and feel more at ease knowing that we are doing all that what we can to prevent the spread.
For any further questions please contact LA Counselling on (011) 918-2235 to schedule an online counselling session today. Stay Safe & Healthy!!!
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6 WAYS TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR SPOUSE
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1. Active listening
Active listening involves showing interest and true understanding during communication. When your spouse is communicating it is easy to think that by the simple act of listening you are engaging in effective communication. Unfortunately, for effective communication to take place listening is not enough. Engaging in active listening involves assuring the other person that you are present and focused. This can be done by, for example making eye contact, listening to understand, putting aside what you would want to say at that moment, not interrupting while your spouse is speaking and to ask follow-up questions to gain a better understanding on what is being said.
2. Constructive criticism
In a marriage, both partners should take the responsibility of using uplifting and positive words towards each other. It is impossible to always accept your spouse’s behavior or agree with everything they say. That is why it is so important to use constructive criticism when you find yourself not agreeing with your spouse instead of constant destructive criticism. Destructive criticism is one of the biggest reasons why many marriages may fail. It is ineffective and involves no room for growth, change or development. It involves reactions such as an attack, blaming, making the other person feel bad about their behaviour and not solution-focused. Constructive criticism will always be more effective as it involves being objective and non-judgmental, focusing more on the solutions rather than the mistakes. The emphasis is more on the situation or the behavior, rather than on the person. Instead of offering criticism, it offers alternative suggestions.
3. Managing emotions effectively
If a disagreement takes place between both partners it is very easy for negative emotions to overtake, such as frustration, anger or even stress. Emotional management during these circumstances will help you to understand your spouse better and improve communication. Should it be too difficult to contain these negative emotions at that moment, the best solution will be for both to remove them self from the situation and revisit when ready. No matter the problem, staying objective and removing yourself (own feelings and emotions) from the situation allows one to see the problem from a clear and different perspective. If your spouse has done something that upset you, it is helpful to view it as something separate from him or her and to rather focus on the behavior than blaming and accusing them directly.
4. Admitting to your mistakes
It is unlikely for a marriage to be a success if both partners are prideful and unwilling to be vulnerable. Admitting your mistakes when you are wrong shows your spouse that you are willing to be open and that you are not afraid of your weaknesses. The key is not to apologize for the sake of avoiding conflict, but rather to understand what the problem is and to learn from every mistake how to be a better life partner.
5. Less attitude-more gratitude
Showing appreciation towards your spouse is one of the many ways one can build a marriage on a solid foundation. Over time it is natural to get used to the efforts made by your spouse and acknowledging or verbalizing it to them may start to decrease. Focusing more on the things your spouse is not doing rather than what they are can influence the relationship and even cause you to drift apart. Never assume that your spouse knows how much you appreciate their efforts. Make sure to verbalize your appreciation and gratitude towards them on a daily basis. By doing this it will bring you closer together and improve overall communication and create a better understanding among each other.
6. Spending quality time together
To improve one’s relationship and connection with your spouse, it will always require regular quality time spent together. Great communication grows from connecting and making sure that you invest all your focus and attention towards your spouse. The unfortunate reality is that many times couples who have children will leave spending quality time together as one of the last things on their list of to do’s. Life can be busy, especially with a growing family and all the daily requirements and responsibilities that one have. But there must always be time scheduled for connecting otherwise communication will decrease and this may lead to many other unnecessary feelings, conflict and misunderstandings. After a few years of marriage people think that it's not important to have a date night with your spouse. Schedule a date night with your spouse and see how your marriage will grow positively.
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For any further questions please contact LA Counselling on (011) 918-2235 to schedule an online counselling session today. Stay Safe & Healthy!!!
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How Do I Deal with the Loss of a Child (anyone close to you)
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Coping Strategies to consider in order to Grief Healthy
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Dealing with the death of a child or anyone close to you is one of the hardest challenges that you’ll ever face.
While the grieving process is different for everyone, there are 5 Coping Strategies that you can use to facilitate the healing process.
It’s important to know that you don’t have to face your pain alone as bereavement counselling and support groups are available to help you to cope.
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1. Understand that grieving is an Individual process
Grieving is an extremely personal process. It’s important to remember that there is no correct or incorrect way to deal with the death of a child or anyone close to you. Your partner may deal with their grief differently to you so you’ll need to respect each other’s ways of coping. Grieving is a slow journey towards healing and there is no normal timeline for this process. You’re likely to experience a range of emotions that come and go. Grieving is not a linear process and your healing journey may feel like a roller-coaster ride with many ups and downs along the way. Nothing will ever take the pain of losing a child or anyone close to you away but dealing with your grief may help you to reach a place of acceptance where you can honor the memories of your child or the person that was close to you while carrying on with your life.
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2. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions
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There are no right or wrong emotions when it comes to dealing with death. All your emotions are valid and it’s helpful to acknowledge how you’re feeling. You may experience feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, denial, hopelessness, guilt, exhaustion, fear and depression. Repressing your emotions is challenging and it can end up making you feel worse. Crying is a healthy response to grief so give yourself space to cry when you feel like it. However, crying is not the only reaction to death and if you don’t cry it doesn’t mean that you loved your child or the person that passed any less. Everyone has different ways of experiencing and showing their grief. Many people also experience numbness for short or extended periods. This may be experienced as disinterest in the activities that you previously enjoyed as well as a disconnection from your emotions and the world. If you don’t feel anything at all, it’s your body’s strategy of keeping you safe from overwhelming feelings. Just as there’s space for challenging emotions, as your healing journey progresses there’s also room for joy, laughter and hope when you feel ready.
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3. Celebrate the life of your child or the person that passed away
When you feel ready you can look for opportunities to celebrate the life of your child or anyone that was close to you in a way that feels right for you. You may want to make a donation to a special charity in their honor. Creating a book with photos, artwork, stories and other mementos is a way of cherishing the time that you spent together. You may choose to plant a garden in memory of your child or of the person that passed or to hold a memorial gathering.
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4. Practice self care
Faced with the death of a child or the person that passed, you may find yourself forgetting to eat or drink. Remember to drink water and try to eat healthy meals, even if you find yourself eating a lot less. Grief puts strain on your body so it’s important to take care of these physical needs. Ask friends to deliver meals or find healthy takeaways in your area. If you’re struggling to sleep at night, try and implement a routine to promote relaxation before bedtime. Having a bath, listening to relaxing music, drinking chamomile tea and avoiding the use of electronic devices are all strategies that can help you to get a good night’s rest. Writing in a journal and taking part in activities that you enjoy are other self care practices that you may want to consider once you’re ready.
Reach out for some support that provides a safe space where you can explore all of your emotions while learning coping strategies support
Dealing with death can be an isolating experience that leaves you feeling completely alone. While it’s important to honor your need to be alone, spending time with supportive friends and family can help to facilitate the healing process. Many people want to provide support to grieving families but don’t know how so it’s useful to express your needs to them clearly. Some friends and family may be better at providing you with emotional support while others may be better suited to dealing with practical concerns. Even if you have friends and family around, you may find that your loved one’s are uncertain of how to console you or they may be afraid that they’ll say the wrong thing. If you don’t have anyone to talk to joining a support group will enable you to build new friendships with other people who are also dealing with death. Look for a support group in your area to get the care that you need to heal.
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5. Consider bereavement counselling
Bereavement counselling provides you with the support that you need to cope with the death of a child or the death anyone close to you. Counselors are trained to use various methods of treatment to facilitate the healing process. Dealing with death is a painful experience and a counselor can help you with Bereavement counselling.
You don’t have to struggle alone please do reach out for help and Contact LA Counselling to assists with Bereavement Counselling.
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For any further questions please contact LA Counselling on (011) 918-2235 to schedule an online counselling session today. Stay Safe & Healthy!!!
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HOW TO COPE AFTER THE TRAUMA OF DIVORCE
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There is no doubt that the current divorce rate is extremely high. This not only has a tremendous impact on the couple that goes through the divorce themselves, but it also has a great impact on those closest to them. Such an event causes a sudden change in the family dynamic, the children struggle to accept their new reality of their parents separating and relationships might be affected in cases where couples share mutual friends. These are but a few issues mentioned that may be caused by the impact of divorce and some may struggle to recover from this trauma. With this article, I aim to focus on how to be able to move forward from this traumatic experience and not allow the effects of divorce to influence your daily functioning and current relationships with others.
How To Cope After The Trauma Of Divorce - Lorraine Alger
Before covering the topic of the trauma that divorce holds, it is important to realize that every story leading up to such a decision is different. The reality is as couples get married, they never plan for this to happen or even consider it as an option. There might be multiple reasons that have caused one to take such a drastic decision.
No matter the circumstances, almost every couple has a desire to fight for their marriage, but some believe that the problems they face are unsolvable and that they will never be able to overcome it. If these problem areas include arguments about different communication styles, financial struggles, lack of intimacy, not providing in one another’s emotional needs, etc. the best option is always to seek professional support first and determine if some of these areas are indeed solvable with the right support, guidance and methods.
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But then some cases involve much more complex problems, such as a partner who is physically or emotionally abusive, and a danger to the family or compulsive lying and infidelity that takes place within the marriage.
It is important to realize that if one partner is willing to work on the marriage and the other is completely reluctant to change, unable to acknowledge the effect of their behavior and unwilling to work on the relationship there is not much that can be done to move forward. The partner who is willing to work on the relationship should realize that they will never be able to change their partner and their behavior unless it is a joint effort within the relationship. Only if both parties want to work on their marriage we can assist.
In cases where all possibilities have been depleted and a divorce is inevitable, there are many emotions to work through. Some of these might include rejection, anxiousness, loneliness, grief, guilt and so much more. Sometimes it seems as though the easier option is to push these feelings aside and to go on with life. But this new reality can ultimately lead to much deeper hurt and distress if not dealt with as soon as possible.
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The first step to recovery involves grieving the loss of the relationship (Either it being parents who decided that it is best to separate or a marriage that did not work). Some individuals experience a sense of fear that once they start grieving this loss, these feelings might be too overwhelming for them. It is important to realize that once you experience these emotions, you will be able to work towards a future that involves healing, happiness, and hope despite the current circumstances.
One of the ways we can express our emotions is to confide in a close family member or a friend that you can trust. A trusted support system is crucial in times such as this as they will be able to help and encourage you when you need it most. In cases where a person feels uncomfortable sharing their emotions with friends or family members, a counselor or a support group will provide individuals with a safe space as they share their personal experiences. The reality is, trying to work through traumatic events on our own prevents us from noticing the emotional and physical effects it might have on our life. Not only will the support of others give you a sense of relief, but they will be able to monitor your process of healing and encourage you to seek further assistance if it seems like no positive progress is being made.
Other than having a great support system, being conscious of leading a healthy lifestyle especially during such circumstances is a very important coping strategy. Some of these healthy lifestyle choices include eating healthy, exercising regularly and going to bed early to get enough sleep. Not only will you feel better, but it will also help with problems such as overeating, loss of sleep, loss of appetite and decreasing feelings of depression. It should be acknowledged that it takes time to get over the trauma and in instances where insomnia, loss of appetite, constant sadness and lack of concentration persist for long periods, medical advice should be sought.
Lastly, you must allow yourself to trust others again although under such circumstances we tend to do the total opposite. The importance of this decision Is if we hold onto these feelings of distrust it will eventually affect all the other relationships that we have. Either it being romantic or even just a new friendship. Therefore, shifting the perspective from your previous partner (or shifting your perspective from the divorce of your parents) to establishing a newfound trust in others, in yourself, forgiveness and hope in all circumstances are crucial to be able to cope with the pain of divorce.
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Please contact LA Counselling on (011) 918-2235 to schedule an online counselling session today. Stay Safe & Healthy!!!
